May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face, and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
-Irish Blessing

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

To Go or Not To Go?

I am wrestling with this question as the date of my husband's office holiday party approaches. We have babysitters available so that is not a problem. The issue is me plain and simple. I used to briefly work and still do on a very part-time basis for my husband's office and I know most of the longer term employees there. However, when my husband broke the news of our baby's condition not one person said anything via email to me. My husband said everyone was very supportive to him but it stung a bit that no one said anything to me. I understand why. They didn't know what to say or how to say it and perhaps email is not the right medium.

Now, a month and half before giving birth I am faced with a night out. Mind you, it would be our first night out since finding out the bad news. (We ending up spending our wedding anniversary at home with sick kids.) My concern is mostly my emotional wellbeing. I suspect my presence will make others uncomfortable and might put a damper on our table's discussion. It is also very disheartening to sit at a table full of people when eight months pregnant and have not one person ask about the pregnancy. Regardless of whether this child lives or not, I am pregnant and it is a huge part of my life right now. My husband supports my decision either way and right now I'm leaning towards going but asking to leave if I don't feel right about it since I don't see the need to put myself in a position which will cause me further pain. There is just nothing easy about this.

To think, when I initially got pregnant by biggest concern by far was not gaining too much weight and then dropping it as quickly as possible after giving birth. Now that's merely a measure I will take for self preservation.

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