Friday, January 14, 2011
Anger is a Three Pronged Fork
Obviously I am moving through an anger stage of my grief. Though it is entirely possible it is also completely hormonal - no way to really tell I suppose. One of the paradoxes of being pregnant with a baby destined to die. My temper is quick, my patience is short and my words are harsh. The targets are unfortunately my most faithful companions, my three children. How unlucky they are lately. Now, I could just say, "Hey, I'm grieving - deal with it." But that would be supremely unfair to my children, who I'm sure in their own ways are grieving. Grieving for the impending loss of a sibling and grieving for the loss of their formerly more fun and energetic mom. Rather than excusing my behavior I am attempting to face it head on in the hopes that I can make a change. The next week will be rough on me. We are meeting with hospital staff to make a birth plan for the baby, I have my gestational diabetes glucose test, to register my middle child for kindergarten, an appt with my OB during which I hope to set my c-section date and a special maternity/child blessing with my priest. I pray for mercy next week and for the strength to climb that hill.