May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face, and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
-Irish Blessing

Monday, August 25, 2014


School for my three oldest girls is right around the corner and is just one of the things that will break me out of this rut that I'm stuck in.  I need to rearrange (metaphorically) and that is hard to do with four girls buzzing and sometimes screaming in and out of the house all day long.  Me and the little one will figure things out soon.

I've spent my summer running, running and running some more.  I kicked it off with a 10k amidst beautiful scenery and ever since I have been amping up my mileage to tackle a 10 mile race in a few weeks which is going to be followed (fingers crossed) by a half marathon two weeks after that.  These are kind of bucket list things for me.  When I find myself doing the same thing over and over I get bored.  I'm sure that's a good bit of human nature.  While I have eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwiches almost every Wednesday at lunch for the past six years or more and I'm okay with that, I can't stick with the same hairstyle for long, the same furniture arrangement, etc.  Some things are easier to change than others.  Nothing I do will bring Wyatt and Eli back and nothing I do will make me truly okay with the fact that they're gone.  That's a tough one.

But running I can do.  I've now pushed myself to distances that I never dreamed I could do.  I have running on my bucket list and I'm just ticking those items off like wildfire.  Every time I accomplish a new distance or speed it feels good.  I feel strong.  Even at my weakest after a hard run or race, I bask in that sense of accomplishment.  It helps that I can remind myself at the most trying moments that nothing compares to the pain of watching my child die or putting him in the ground and it makes things a little easier.

Moral of the story: grow and challenge, seek and embrace change.  Cultivate and build strength within yourself.  I find it's so easy to play the victim and expect someone else to help me change or fix me but that true healing is better achieved within because I know myself better than anyone and those things I think I can't do are just things that I'm scared to do.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...