This post was to originally be titled "There's No Crying in Church" but...since I happened to run across a major league baseball team's manager and a few players this morning at the hospital, I couldn't help but to borrow a line from A League of Their Own.
I sat this church this weekend with my two oldest daughters and more than once teared up. (My husband is not religious and my youngest is not disciplined enough to behave in church so they keep each other company at home). There were no particular words that spoke to me, yet tears flowed anyway. In particular, my oldest spontaneously began singing the closing hymn very loudly and quite beautifully. She usually does not sing and it simply took my breath away. However, that put me in a position that I have been in many times. Sitting in a room full of people with tears in my eyes. Meanwhile, these people are unaware of my suffering and most probably do not notice. But it is uncomfortable nonetheless to be crying in public. Crying is such a private thing rarely exhibited in public. I hope this was an isolated event though I fear it was not. Many times during the end of my pregnancy with Wyatt I found myself at church with tears in my eyes. Those who noticed did not understand and of course, it only made me feel uncomfortable and weak. After Wyatt died those tears came easier and going to church became harder so I stopped. It is another stumbling block in my path and another something to figure out how to handle. I suppose I could picture everyone naked but that's not really appropriate for church so I'll have to give this a little more thought I guess.