May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face, and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
-Irish Blessing

Thursday, February 24, 2011

What if it Happened Again?

Since finding out about this little one's Potter's Syndrome I have read many many stories from parents who have lost children. I have read books and blogs and memorial websites. Very few from parents who have lost more than one child, and I don't know if I've read any from parents such as myself, who have lost two children to the same condition which was supposed to be a "fluke" and continues to be unexplained. My question relates to those who have clung to their faith, perhaps were even strengthened by it as they awaited the birth of a child not expected to survive or attempted to gather themselves after the unexpected loss of a child before or after birth. So many have shared stories of complete faith that God will/would heal their children. So many of those stories end with children whose healing did not take place on this earth and still the parents' faith persists, often stronger than ever. It is a story with which I am intimately familiar. I've lived it, I clung to my faith and my baby Wyatt with every bit of strength that I had and it took me a long time to let go. It was so painful when that healing, that miracle, was not granted with no explanation. It opened the door to more questions without answers and comparisons/judgments that were not for me to make. My path diverged from the faithful and it took me a long time to find my way back.

So, I find myself wondering from the perspective of those whose faith sustained them through the loss of their children - what if it happened to you again? What if you were to lose another child for the same reason you lost the first and no one could tell you why you lost either child? Would you be able to take comfort in the same beliefs that brought you comfort the first time? Would you believe that your child would be healed a second time after having watched your first child past from this earth? Do you, who have not walked this path, look at me as less than faithful because I don't believe that my baby will be healed by God during his or her lifetime? Very hard questions with answers truly beyond our grasp, such a personal situation.

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