May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face, and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
-Irish Blessing

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Birthdays Never Seemed So Sad

Birthdays are weighing on me this week. You might think I am referring to the birth of this baby in a little over two weeks, but alas, baby's birth is just one of many in the coming weeks. Seriously.

My husband's birthday is this weekend and I absolutely hate to admit I have no gift for him, my head is so unfocused and he really wants for nothing. It's unfortunate that as a woman I don't have the no-fail gifts of jewelry or flowers that men do...I still have a few days to pull something out of the hat. My middle daughter's birthday is next weekend. She blessedly, has a gift already, purchased at Christmastime with the knowledge she is going to go head over heels for this present so I am really excited about that. The day after her birthday is my father-in-law's birthday and the day after that is my nephew's birthday. Then just a few days later our baby's birthday.

I sometimes cannot believe how births have occurred in our family. My oldest daughter was born just one year and four days after Wyatt's birth. One year to the day after we buried our firstborn. I have found comfort in her birthday over the years knowing that one of the saddest days of my life was shared with one of the happiest. Wyatt's due date was just 2 days before my birthday but due to his potter's we delivered about three weeks early. We didn't plan for my husband and middle daughter's birthdays to be exactly one week apart with my father-in-law's the day after, although it makes for alot of cake and ice cream in a short period of time. Now, we will add another. A birthday that should have been weeks later.

It is our family tradition that for each birthday I bake a homemade cake of the birthday person's choosing down to the flavor and color of icing if they choose. Which means I always bake three different cakes in less than 2 weeks every year at this time. For Wyatt, I bake cupcakes and we share them with a picnic lunch at his gravesite each year. One is always left behind for him. Leading up to that birthday each year anxiety and dread overtake me. It is not until I wake the morning after his birthday that I feel unburdened and able to look beyond "that day". It makes my daughter's birthday four days later so much happier for me. February and March will not be so kind. Each year will require smiles, beautiful, or at least satisfactory, cakes and suppression of anxiety, sadness and heartbreak that will surely be present before this baby's birthday. The opposite of the rainbow after the storm.

My middle daughter asked if we would be having cupcakes for baby's birthday this year. It was the PERFECT idea so I have decided that we will celebrate baby's birth day in a most celebratory way, with cake.

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