The pain I felt at that moment was breathtaking. Talk about being blindsided. I had no idea such a condition existed and my faith in modern medicine was such that almost anything could be fixed. It was beyond devastating to hear those words. We were given a choice and time to consider it, early termination of the pregnancy or carry the baby as long as possible. We went home and called our families. My husband actually did, I could not say those words. I remember how he cried and hoped to never hear that sorrow from him again. He carried me that evening. Next we researched and found little, but enough to confirm what the doctors had told us. Despite this, I prayed for healing and I clung to hope for our baby. It was a difficult weekend to pass.
A follow up appointment with a higher level ultrasound was scheduled and that ultrasound confirmed the earlier findings. We met with a genetic counselor to determine if there was some genetic predisposition that could be ascertained through family history. There was nothing. I remember that appointment well, it was on the anniversary of Roe v. Wade, I believe the 30th anniversary. I know this because it was on the news that evening. I remember going to Baker's Square for dinner that night and having pie for dessert. It was also the very first time I felt my baby kick. We then decided that I would carry the baby as long as possible and that his or her life would be taken by a power higher than ours. My job was to give the baby life and our job was to prepare to say goodbye when that life ended.
It was at that point I realized I had not purchased one item for my baby yet. Five months and nothing, I now look on it as a mother's sense that something was not right.