I am having a really rough time. Our household has been hit hard by viruses and illness and as a pregnant, grieving, stay at home mom, it is hitting me particularly hard. I am doing the best to care for myself, but everyone else needs so much from me right now. I don't sleep well at night and haven't for most of the pregnancy, but especially since the diagnosis. I just toss and turn all night long and I'm so tired. That, combined with my kids and husband coughing and sniffling all night as well as a babe within wriggling around, I am so exhausted. Thankfully my body does finally get so tired it sleeps every few days so I can at least put together a little energy to get by.
With that said, I'm so very emotionally tired right now too. I want this whole thing to be over with. I love my baby with all my heart but my heart is breaking with every minute I have to wait for his or her arrival. I just want it all to be over with as much as that pains me to say. I am in such a bad place right now, I feel so used up and isolated. So few people have to carry a child to term with a fatal diagnosis, why me, why twice? It is what it is. That's what I've been telling myself to get by. I know this too shall pass and I will keep going.