May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face, and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
-Irish Blessing

Monday, December 13, 2010

My Three Rainbows

Any parent who has lost a  child will hopefully know what my three rainbows refers to, my three children born after the storm of losing a child.  The children who brought light back into my life and love back into my heart.  I have three wonderful little girls who are as much a part of this story as their brother.  Each one very much loved and wanted.  Though we have gone on to have three more children, none have healed the whole in my heart left by their brother's death.  They are not replacements, they are extensions of our love and our family.  Having another child does not assuage the grief of losing one - ever.  Each child is carried within my heart until it too stops beating.  However, having these children has brought more joy to my heart than I could ever imagine.  They have shown me that there is good in the world, there is more than pain and heartache.

We share Wyatt with our girls even though none of them will ever truly know him.  We celebrate his birthday each June with cupcakes and lunch at his gravesite.  This is followed by a balloon release at which each girl gets to send a balloon to her brother.  We decorate his grave for all seasons and holidays.  Each Christmas we place a decorated and lighted little Christmas tree to keep him company.  In the summer he gets fresh flowers.  For his birthday and Christmas, we take a tiny age-appropriate gift to leave with him.  At Christmas we purchase a gift for a boy his age each year and donate it to charity.  Wyatt's pictures hang throughout our house, among pictures of his sisters.  They know his name, his face and images of him in life.  It is the most we can do, but of course will never replace the thought of a seven year old boy running around with his three little sisters.

Soon they will understand, they will feel some of what we felt when we lost Wyatt, but they will feel a different pain which I will not understand this time - the pain of losing a sibling, one that they have seen, touched, loved and spoken to.

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