May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face, and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
-Irish Blessing

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Lessons from Lord of the Rings

Nine years ago my husband and I  married.  On the evening of our wedding, we saw Lord of the Rings.  So many years ago I could not have imagined my own journey in life and the burden that I would carry.  In the Fellowship of the Ring, Frodo tells Gandalf that he wishes the ring had never come to him and Gandalf tells him that all people who live to see such times feel that way but that it is not their decision.  That our decision is what to do with the time we've been given.  I sometimes wish I had not been given these burdens, carrying two children that I know will not survive, that there is so little I can do for these babies. So much sadness and weight.  In the Two Towers I believe, a ruler buries his son and as he stands by his flower covered grave his heart heavy, he says that no parent should have to bury their child.  In the Return of the King when Frodo finally reaches Mordor and prepares to throw the ring into the fires of Mt Doom and he hesitates, wants to keep the ring for himself.  I have felt that, as I prepared the day of my c-section to give birth to Wyatt.  As much as I wanted to meet him, I remember crying and crying because I did not want to and was afraid I could not let him go, he was mine.  When I gave birth he would really no longer be mine and it was so hard to do what I knew that I must do.  The movies are so powerful because of the emotional journey, I just never realized how much that journey could speak to my own, how much of that pain I would soon feel from within my own heart.  All I can do is choose to do the best with the time I have been given.

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