May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face, and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
-Irish Blessing

Wednesday, April 6, 2011


Outside my window, just as within my own heart, things are changing. Every day our ground becomes less white and more brown. There are even tiny sprouts of green here and there. It's April, it's time. However, for me it feels too soon. It feels too soon to change. I'm not ready.

I am healing. My body has all but erased any trace of Eli's presence. My outer scar from the c-section is now just a thin jagged line. The milk has dried up. Even my headaches, which had become a daily occurrence I contribute to grieving, have lessened. My heart, just four weeks ago shattered, seems to be gluing itself together. Tears fall fewer and farther between. I hear the sound of laughter, my laughter. I left the house by myself this week, twice.

Just as the ground outside, unable to escape the sun's warm rays, cannot hold onto its cool white blanket, I cannot stay wrapped in my own blanket of grief. Change is inevitable. The only constant in life is change and I am now caught within its tides.


  1. I think this is a good thing. I know its scary as you know...but allow the change to take place...soon it will feel good and you'll have a greater peace. Don't fear the future, you know how it will go...let it sweep you into love and new beginnings.

  2. Thanks, Felicia. It is so scary. It reminds me of how I felt right before Wyatt and Eli were born, I knew it was time but I also knew what their births meant and that struggle was just so hard. -Mandy

  3. I had SUCH a hard time with this and am back into that now. I hate that change means I am further and further away from Tyler. Hate change :(



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