Yesterday I finished reading "The Quickening" by Michelle Hoover. There is so much loss in that book. Loss of babies and children. In one passage, a mother speaks words something to the effect of "Children die. God does not do it."
I believe that one of the greatest injustices in life is the death of children, whether they are lost in pregnancy, infancy, childhood, teenage years or adulthood. No parent should have to suffer the loss of their child. No parent should have to face a day on this earth without their child. It defies the laws of nature. I don't think there can be a love greater than that between parent and child. A parent knows a child from the moment that life begins.
I've been thinking about how to explain what it feels like to lose a child to someone who has never lost a child. It is more than the excruciating immediate pain of the child's death. Beyond the feeling of burying your heart in the ground with your child. It is an ever present feeling that something is always missing. It happens when you see pregnant women, babies, babies or children that would be your child's age, babies the same gender as your child. It happens when your own children reach milestones and you are reminded of those that you have missed and will continue to miss. It happens when there is silence when your child's name should be spoken. It happens on days that are meaningless and is especially present on holidays and birthdays. It speaks to you even when you are not listening. Tears won't always flow and your heart won't always ache as painfully as it once did. It lives within every breath, every beat of your heart.