Again?

I'm sure many people thought or said this very thing when they heard or saw that I was once again pregnant.  Six pregnancies is a lot for any family I think, especially when two of those babies died on the days of their birth.   I've been pondering this, why did we take this enormous leap of faith again?  I know why I did it the first time (after Wyatt was born) - because I was told his Potter's Syndrome was a fluke and because we were given a low chance of recurrence.  Aside from statistics, I still had some faith and believed that I had paid off whatever debt I had incurred that caused such a horrible thing to happen to me and that it simply would not and could not happen again.

Obviously I didn't have any of those assurances or confidences after Eli's Potter's diagnosis.  So why did we do this again?  Especially knowing this time there was a very good chance that our genetics (mostly mine I think) could result in yet another Potter's Syndrome baby doomed to die on or before the day of his or her birth.  I can only speak for myself, though I suspect some of my husband's desire is simply to bring a smile to my face and heart again, but I also know his reasons run deeper as well.  For me though it goes back to a letter I wrote to my Sunday School parents before Eli's birth last year in which I revealed that the baby I was carrying was not expected to survive and that I had carried a similar baby eight years prior.  I went on to say that my presence in church and the classroom each Sunday was a testament to God's great love, even during our darkest times.  It is that love and goodness that gave me the courage and faith to try again.  I can see the goodness in our daughters, in my husband and in the world around me when I look.  Even as Eli lived his short life and I was left to sort through his death's aftermath last spring, so many good things happened, so much love shared. I knew that no matter what the outcome of this pregnancy that there would still be love and goodness, from above and right here and that ultimately I would see it again.