May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face, and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
-Irish Blessing

Friday, October 21, 2011

Who Knew?

Wyatt was my first pregnancy so everything was brand new. I had never experienced the kick of a baby within my belly or watched that belly grow plumper each passing day and week. I had also never been so excited to be having an experience, even one that brought me to my knees in the bathroom each morning. It was nothing short of amazing. I had also not purchased anything, not one thing, prior to our first ultrasound at 19 weeks. After Wyatt's Potter's diagnosis I understood that it was because I knew something was amiss. Somewhere in my subconscious I knew.

I knew with Eli too. Early on in his pregnancy my husband purchased a new infant car seat as our original was now outdated and we wanted this new little one to be a safe as possible. He asked my opinion and I just remember not wanting to pick one out. I felt that we should not get one yet. I also remember feeling that Eli's movements early on were different. I didn't feel him move as soon as I had with the girls and his movements did not seem as regular or as strong. To some extent this had happened with our youngest daughter and that was due to the placement of my placenta so I chalked these observations up to the same reason. I will never forget the day before Eli's ultrasound. My husband and I were walking with the girls that night and we were behind them hand in hand. I remember telling him that I was a bit concerned about the ultrasound, that I felt there was something wrong. I knew. I anticipated a problem with the placement of my placenta though. It never even occurred to me that in less than twenty-four hours I would received another Potter's diagnosis.

This got me to thinking. Has anyone else "known" that something was wrong or had a feeling that something would go wrong with their baby while pregnant? Or is it just me?


  1. When we lost our second baby, I knew something was wrong. It was one of those deep down in your gut feelings that something just wasn't right. Bryan kept telling me that everything was fine and it was just from all the nausea, but I made him take me to the ER. They found some loose blood in my uterus but said everything was fine. I followed up with my OB and he also said everything was fine. I insisted that something was still wrong, but none of them listened.

  2. My husband and I both had an uneasy feeling with our son we lost to Potters. I'm not sure if it's because we had already suffered 2 miscarriages and were just scared and we had never made it as far as we did with him or if it was some "sick sense."
    I had a good feeling during my next pregnancy with my son who is alive and well. I also think this could have been the forced optimism that I shoved down my own throat on an hourly basis. Who knows.?

  3. Thank you both for sharing. I don't doubt for a second that I really "knew" with our sons. But then after that experience it is so hard to ever really feel at ease again. I didn't have those feelings with our girls but I still worried about all the things that could go wrong. Such a loss of innocence.

  4. I knew! Wow, I am so amazed that you wrote about this. A few weeks into my pregnancy, after I had confirmed through an ept. I was looking at the calendar and trying to figure out what month she would be born. Second week in March. I lost Christian on March 10. I knew at that moment that my baby would die. I carried that feeling for a long time. I had taken a picture of the crib I set up for Grace, with a teddy bear in it and sent it for my mom to see. She told me later that she received the strongest and most awful feeling when saw the photo that something was going to go terribly wrong. My other pregnancies were not like that. Never did a thought pop into my head like that. Even with my daughter Emma, who was born after Christian did I have a thought or feeling like that.

    My mom and I have talked about this very thing so many times. About how we both knew.

    Hugs to you all.

  5. Oh Valerie, I can't believe you knew too and so clearly - my heart goes out to you. Carrying that sick knowing feeling before you really "know" is so awful. I am the only one in my family ever to experience it, I can't imagine having someone else have that sense too! What a life we lead, huh?

  6. Nope. Had no idea. I did have a moment, following the first trimester blood testing, where it occurred to me that I might have to make a decision if the baby was unhealthy. That was at about 12 weeks. I don't feel like that was a sign at all. My concern in that moment was a Trisomy. Definitely didn't have that intuitive feeling.



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