How Could I?

Not recognize Eli's birthday in a sea of dates  months and months ago?  I am currently the leader of my daughters' school PTO which is an exhausting volunteer commitment but one that I undertook voluntarily so I've really given it my all.  So much so, that it only occurred to me a few weeks ago that this month's meeting date falls on Eli's birthday.

I panicked.  I mean seriously.  I had marked these dates on the calendar in August.  Last month I typed it onto the February agenda.  How could I not have put two and two together during all of those months and all of the times I looked at that date?  To that I am speechless.  It's not like I forgot his birthday was coming up.  Of course when I finally added it up it was too late to move the meeting date which only increased my panic since it's a fairly important meeting that I wanted to attend.

But, I do very little on my son's birthdays.  Those are my special days to fill with memories and as much peace as I can garner.  I bake, frost cupcakes, buy balloons, make a special meal and then pack it all up, four kids included, and we take it out to the grave site where we eat, blow bubbles, remember and make wishes as the balloons float away.  That's it.  That is all those days are about to me.  I will not be attending this months' meeting, I'm making it work and that will have to be okay.  I just still can't believe that day didn't scream to me louder than all the other thoughts bouncing around in my head.