A few days ago my mom sent me an email due to a talk show she'd been watching on tv. The guest was a medical doctor who allegedly has miraculous healing powers. He travels the country and has healing sessions, for a fee of course, and also maintains a medical office of his own. He proclaims to channel God's healing powers. She wanted me to check him out and ended her email by saying that in God all things are possible.
While I realize all of the good intentions that this email came with, it tore at my heart. I don't have an unexplained illness or even a medical condition which has the possibility of being misdiagnosed. My health is better than ever. There is no number of doctors, no amount of prayer, no sum of money that can save our baby. The baby is missing organs. Organs which are vital to life outside the womb. Even if man or God could give my baby kidneys today and fill my uterus with precious amniotic fluid, it would be too late. The kidneys and amniotic fluid needed to be in place long ago to develop baby's lungs. It is the underdeveloped lungs, not the lack of kidneys, which will ultimate cause our baby's death. I know there are no kidneys and amniotic fluid. I can feel it. I can feel the outline of baby's body. I can see the diminished size of my belly.
If prayer and faith could produce kidneys, Wyatt would not have died. I guess maybe all things are possible in God, in this case it is possible that God will look down from heaving on March 11th, five weeks from today, and will watch our child enter this world and then quietly slip out of it shortly thereafter. In fact, I'm confident that God will be waiting to take our child into his arms on that day.
My mom, and anyone else for that matter, are certainly entitled to pray for a miracle in our case. I don't think my faith is any less strong for not praying for one. My prayers are different. I have talked to doctors, I have seen inside my own body and inside my baby's, I have read medical journals and articles and I know there is nothing that can be done. Don't you think if there was, I would have done it?
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