For the past five weeks I have been preparing. That's me. I'm a type-A, list-maker individual. I like to know what's going to happen, when and then what after that. So I've begun. I've started a list of things that need to be done before baby is born. I've started a birth plan, met with my priest to discuss baptism/funeral arrangements, thought about headstone/burial issues, purchased two small baby outfits, crocheted a baby afghan and hat and have begun another. I've emptied off my digital camera memory card, charged my video camera battery and made sure we have a black and white roll of film ready to go for our film camera. I have lists in my dresser drawer for my husband in case anything should happen to me and he needs it. My worst fear is losing control of the situation, because control over preparation is all I have. When baby comes it's really not in my hands anymore and I am prepared to deal with that when the time comes.
I have also prepared for the months ahead, I have purchased birthday gifts and am trying to get as much done as possible should things veer of course in the future. This baby was due about 3 weeks after my middle daughter's birthday but due to the likely earlier c-section it will now be born less than a week after her birthday. My son's birthday is just 4 days before our oldest daughter's. It is bittersweet to have them so close together, one so sad and one so joyful. A very real reminder of the fine line between life and death.
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