May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face, and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
-Irish Blessing

Thursday, August 4, 2016

I Don't Know What I Don't Know

Anyone who visits/reads will likely have noticed that my waterfall of words has been reduced to a trickle. Wyatt would have just turned 13 in June (a teenager!) and Eli 5 in March (almost a kindergartner!).  It is not too hard to imagine what they would be like as each has a younger sister that is almost one year younger to the day. The whole gender difference is boggling to me though. I honestly have no idea what it would be like to have one boy in my house of ladies, nonetheless two. In my imagination, I hold them out as the balance our family badly lacks at times. There are days, hours, and minutes where it is just way too much girl in this house. That is where my thinking leads me down a path that I just can't follow most of the time. My heart aches so badly to have that boy in our house. Any way I could get him - foster care or adoption. Four girls in a four bedroom house already seems too much. We don't have a ready room, would lose our crafting/office/have to rearrange almost the entire house and would only be adding another person to an already stretched parental structure at times! There are so many reasons which make it a really bad idea but the heart doesn't usually listen to logic, does it? So far, logic is holding strong and I am keeping my crazy ambitions reigned in. It's hard though to hear my daughters say how much they would love to have a brother. I don't know if there would be a more loved little boy in this whole world. But no one could ever replace the two I will forever miss and that is a truth that I've lived with every day for thirteen years now.


  1. Hello friend. I revisited my blog today. Have been thinking about you and wondered how you are. I hope life has been good for you.

    With love and blessings. Valerie

  2. I'm Valerie, who lost Grace and Christian.

  3. Hi Valerie, I remember Grace and Christian, and you, of course. I hope you are doing well and that life has treated you kindly. We bear a lot of loss between us. I know that for me it is still unresolved, no matter how resolved I try to tell myself that it is.



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