Yesterday, May 4th, it snowed. It melted on contact, but STILL. Snow in May just isn't spring.
My point? I can spend my time lamenting the snow, the cold that chills me down to the bone and the wind that has lately accompanied it or I can just pull on my big girl panties and deal with it. I find myself waiting so often. Waiting for my kids to wash their hands, waiting in line at the grocery store, waiting for spring and the list goes on and on. It's easy to to tell myself that things will be better when my youngest is potty trained, the older three kids are in school, the weather stays above 60 degrees and we can put away our winter jackets, ____________ (fill in the blank).
But what does that really do for me? It keeps me hanging on for something that may or may not happen (hopefully in the case of potty training and school, right?) and who knows when it will happen. I can find myself waiting for the sun to come out or my loved ones to change their views when we don't see eye to eye. I would be much better served though by not waiting but instead by making the best of every situation that presents itself. I don't even know if after these things I'm waiting for actually happen, whether I'll be any better off than I was when I started the waiting.
I remember waiting for both Wyatt and Eli to be born, knowing that I would never bring either of them home with me. Talk about hard waiting. I think waiting for death is one of the hardest things to wait out for anyone. But those shadows lifted long ago. Now it's just a matter of perspective. I still find myself waiting, waiting for answers about Potter's Syndrome, hoping to find out why my boys were afflicted and hoping for treatment options in the future. But I don't have to passively wait. I do my own research. I ask questions. I keep my finger in the pot. Because someday that wait will end and just like every moment since my boys' deaths, the world will keep turning. I can't get lost in the waiting and the possible outcomes. If I can make a positive difference to the outcome, I always try. If I can't, I'm learning to live while I'm waiting and just make the best of it.