I recently wrote about running my first 10k under extremely challenging weather conditions. The physical and mental strength and stamina I needed to run for one hour under those circumstances were significant to say the least. It didn't occur to me until I put that into written words how my life and personal circumstances fits into that same mindset right now.
I took on a new and very demanding volunteer opportunity at the end of last spring. Since then I've given it my all at the expense of my mental well being and so much time with my family. It is a good cause and one I would not continue with if I didn't strongly believe in its worth. Regardless it's taking a toll. I feel like it's just one catastrophe to the next and since I am the leader I end up having to clean up all the messes while trying to balance spinning plates on my head and both hands and sometimes a knee as well. I would never cut it in the circus. Too many broken plates.
Power of a written word is amazing. Day after day I feel like throwing in the towel, or rather, just taking all of these plates that I'm spinning and chucking them as hard as I possibly can into a brick wall. The satisfaction of seeing them shatter would be worth it. At least that's what I tell myself. For a few minutes or maybe even an hour that much would be true. But then I starting thinking about that 10k. It was a painful experience but the feelings that hit me when I crossed that finish line were so worth it. As an aside, it's awfully creepy to finish a 10k not anywhere near last place and have no one but the timer at the finish line and he was sitting in a pickup truck. Told you the weather was Bad that day!
I finished. I persevered and no one can take that away from me. I built a little bit onto myself that day. I pushed myself farther than I thought I could go. Better yet, I didn't push myself to the brink which means I have even more to give. Afterwards I was very cold and very wet but I felt good. I placed better than expected but in all honesty very few people actually ran the race and I was just slightly off my goal time which was awesome considering how freaking windy it was that day and that I ran the last three miles straight into that 45mph wind. My volunteer position goes until the end of this spring which leaves me with many more months and probably many more catastrophes. A year is a lot longer than an hour to spend under that kind of stress. But in reality I've been through much worse. I've carried two pregnancies that ended with me leaving a hospital without my son and at the cemetery so I just don't think this can compare to that in terms of badness. Not much can. Now that I've put a little more perspective in this situation I just need to keep telling myself I've been through worse and I can get through this too. In fact, I may even feel good when it's over. I can hope, right?