I don't know much of who you are, where you've come from, what you're going through and what the future holds for you. I only know who I am, where I've been and what I'm going through. This blog is testament of my darkest days. I happen to think it's pretty bad and some of the worst kind of stuff a person can go through.
It has been ten years and almost a month since I gave birth to and said goodbye to my first born child, my first son, Wyatt. It has been two years and almost four months since I gave birth to and said goodbye to my fifth child and second son, Eli. Life has happened in the meantime. In those darkest months, days and hours, it was very difficult to envision any future, nonetheless one that included laughter and happiness.
It is from that place that I writing to you. To let you know that life can be good. It may not be good. It may currently be anything but good. But it can be good. Time, patience, hope and love are helpful. There is life amid death and loss. Sometimes we have to seize it and hold on tighter than ever before.
I never imagined my life like this. To be in my mid 30s with a perfectly carved and polished black headstone in a cemetery with two tiny coffins holding my infant sons lying between the plots that my husband and I will share someday. Yet I also could have never imagined the love that I felt for each of those boys while pregnant, upon their births and long long after. I had no idea what would happen to my marriage, whether we would have more children, healthy children or happy children. Yet I sit here today blessed with four wonderful children and a husband who is truly my best friend and most fierce love.
If we look around us and listen to the stories of the people we meet and people we know, we will recognize survivors like ourselves. We will hear the tragedies that others have survived and we can take hope in their lives. Without darkness there would be no light. Without sadness there would be no joy. Life can be good.