Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday or the beginning of the Lenten period in the Catholic Church. Yesterday marks the one month countdown to Eli's second birthday. Sunday was weekly mass. Sunday I found myself thinking about one month from yesterday (Eli's birthday) and how appropriate it is to me that his birthday falls during Lent. Lent to me is a heavy time. For me, it is a time to prepare for Jesus' death and as a mother who has experienced two of her own sons' deaths I can really relate to the time and to Mary's loss as Jesus' mother. Now, more than ever, I feel that heaviness in my heart and my bones. And apparently I will for at least the next five years. You see, I looked at the calendars through 2018 and Eli's birthday during each of those years, and likely for all of the following years, will always fall during Lent.
Giving up chocolate or other sweets, even television, seems so silly in light of what I gave up just two years ago. Lent has now become an acute observance of mourning for me and there is no earthly deprivation that could hold a candle to the deprivation of my sons that I live with every day. I would live that one day of Eli's life just one day every year if I could.