I attended a baby shower last night, the first one that I have actually ever attended since having children of my own (weird, huh?). Anyhoo, the mom-to-be doesn't know the gender of her child which for some reason affected me more than I could have anticipated. It's that whole boy thing again. I realized how blessed I have been emotionally within my own family circle. Five months after Wyatt was born my sister gave birth to a little boy. I held him and never wanted to let go. Then about seventeen months later she gave birth to another little boy. Those little boys are now eight and seven years old and they don't bother me (emotionally) like they did as babies. Because really, that's all I know of my boys, just babies.
My brother and sister-in-law have had two little girls. My brother and his wife just had a little girl. I can handle girls. In fact, I have exhaled sighs of relief upon their births when their genders were given a finality and there could no longer be any little boy surprises. But now my cousins are also embarking upon starting their own families and inevitably some of them are having little boys. That realization grips my heart with an unexpected panic and sadness. I have my girls, four to be exact, and with baby girl's birth I also have the knowledge and satisfaction that my family is complete on earth. There is no question about it. But with that knowledge I find a dull ache in my heart because before there was always a possibility. Always a possibility that we would have another child and that child could be a boy.