How to Keep Swallowing That Lump In Your Throat

My post on grief relapse somehow didn't include one extremely important occurrence which I somehow forgot...the first Potter baby to survive.  I've posted about this before and since it has received media attention because her mother is a member of Congress.  It has caused hurt and controversy and of course, is a beacon of hope for those of us who have walked and are walking through the darkness of infant loss due to Potter's.  Many suggest that little Abigail can't have true Potter's, that perhaps there is something that the public doesn't know, tissue that was not reported on, etc.  Others believe it's a true miracle.  Even the congresswoman herself touts it as a miracle.  

I understand that point of view completely and if her baby had been my first Potter's baby I would probably say very similar things.  But my reality is my own headstone with two little coffins buried in between my husband and my final resting places.  So, I respectfully disagree that her daughter is a miracle.  Her daughter is the product of medical patients who were able to access medical professionals who were willing to do something that went against the grain.  Doctors who were willing to try something that appeared to be effective instead of standing behind the already delivered death sentence.  Maybe that behavior is miraculous but I don't believe it should be.  For any medical condition.  Period.  We should all have access to the best health care and to the doctors and other medical professionals who will listen to their patients, treat their patient's conditions and be willing to work with patients to achieve the best possible result in every situation.  

I digress.  This has bothered me on a very subconscious level EVERY SINGLE DAY since I first found out about it.  I don't and I can't dwell on it because there is nothing I can do to bring Wyatt and Eli back.  What I can do is spread the word and through my words encourage others to find answers and treatment.  But this all just really kills me in so many ways.  Of course I'm relapsing.  I've lost 2 sons to this condition and the most recent only 2 years ago.  Of course.