Digging Out

32 weeks down and I've finally done it, I've cracked open the plastic bins containing this baby's clothes, blankets, sheets, towels and preciously tiny socks.  There is even a drawer full of little diapers.  I've been reluctant to get these things out because, well, because I still have a hard time believing we will need them.  The shadow of last year is still there.  The memory of growing rounder and rounder and then going to the hospital, delivering a beautiful little boy and coming home to a house that, with the exception of many beautiful and fragrant flowers, was the exact same house I left.  There was no carseat, no co-sleeper, no changing table, diapers, clothes, bouncer, swing or blankets in sight.  Preparing for my fourth daughter is surreal.  We have had most of these things for about eight years now and there are so many precious memories attached to them.

My husband gave me the final nudge I needed to dig in and he even provided a helping hand folding those tiny little onesies and sleepers, all the while pointing out which were his favorites.  He added another memory right there in the laundry room.  I feel a sense of renewal bringing these items out but they have not completely lifted the doubts hanging overhead.  I hope these next six or so weeks will pass quickly and that as we are able to get everything for this little one arranged around the house that seeing the constant reminder of our hopes to have a baby home again soon will carry me through to the end.