Waiting

I have not shared much about this pregnancy because I have been in an almost constant state of waiting. For the first fifteen weeks I waited for pictures of kidneys, amniotic fluid and a bladder. Then when that ultrasound came, the radiologist could not confirm existence of kidneys (even though my husband and I were confident after seeing so many prior ultrasounds that they were there) so we had to wait for the next ultrasound to confirm the existence of these oh-so-important organs. That ultrasound came and then we were told that this little girl has slightly enlarged kidneys and bladder so now we are again waiting for another ultrasound to tell us something that will hopefully end our waiting.

I am now about 25 weeks but I find myself just stuck in this waiting cycle. I am waiting for a good reason to believe this little girl will cross our home's threshold before getting any baby things ready. I am waiting for that same reason before contacting the church to discuss our daughter's baptism. Even though enlarged kidneys and bladder are not even in the same ballpark as missing kidneys and bladder I am just waiting for more - more something to end that waiting.

I am tired of waiting. Waiting for babies to die. Waiting for babies to live. Waiting to see what happens.