I've spent my summer running, running and running some more. I kicked it off with a 10k amidst beautiful scenery and ever since I have been amping up my mileage to tackle a 10 mile race in a few weeks which is going to be followed (fingers crossed) by a half marathon two weeks after that. These are kind of bucket list things for me. When I find myself doing the same thing over and over I get bored. I'm sure that's a good bit of human nature. While I have eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwiches almost every Wednesday at lunch for the past six years or more and I'm okay with that, I can't stick with the same hairstyle for long, the same furniture arrangement, etc. Some things are easier to change than others. Nothing I do will bring Wyatt and Eli back and nothing I do will make me truly okay with the fact that they're gone. That's a tough one.
But running I can do. I've now pushed myself to distances that I never dreamed I could do. I have running on my bucket list and I'm just ticking those items off like wildfire. Every time I accomplish a new distance or speed it feels good. I feel strong. Even at my weakest after a hard run or race, I bask in that sense of accomplishment. It helps that I can remind myself at the most trying moments that nothing compares to the pain of watching my child die or putting him in the ground and it makes things a little easier.
Moral of the story: grow and challenge, seek and embrace change. Cultivate and build strength within yourself. I find it's so easy to play the victim and expect someone else to help me change or fix me but that true healing is better achieved within because I know myself better than anyone and those things I think I can't do are just things that I'm scared to do.
